I know it may seem strange to write a blog about not having words. It’s challenging for me to wrap my head around. However, the last few weeks have consistently left me with one particular emotion/feeling/state: speechless. Start with a college graduation. If that doesn’t make you feel old, confused, sad, and a little lost, you didn’t actually go to college. Quickly follow that with time at home. For some, that is a comfortable, sought-after space. For me, it’s a strange collection of a room, clothes, and memories from a younger version of myself, with whom I’m not well acquainted anymore. This stretch at home is my longest period of time in this place since before I went to college…4 years ago. Add on to all of this officiating and playing music for friends’ weddings plus a current 2 week vacation adventure in Oregon. Turns out, busy or unwillingly not busy, I learn a lot more when I listen, look, and reflect than when I speak. Sometimes God just has to remind me to shut my mouth.
Part of this journey also includes a lot of reading. My summer began with reading for pleasure, and quickly turned to reading the 7 books Princeton kindly asked for me to read before I start classes full time in September. In this process of getting carried away with the words of others, I have discovered so much. About myself, about others, and most importantly about my Heavenly Father (Who has actually been here this whole time, I just sometimes conveniently forget to find/acknowledge Him). So while I’m reading the inspirational words of others, I’ve realized that everyone actually goes through this process…or at least they should. Every one of the books I’ve read so far this summer has quoted at least a handful of other authors. It’s like we were meant to do all of this together in community. And thank goodness, because I really have no clue what I’m doing.
As I gaze out of my hotel window to see the rough waves crashing along the rocky Western United States coast, I have to name that even the beauty that has struck me for the first 4 days of my trip to Oregon has taught or maybe more accurately reminded me of the Lord, and all of His power, might, and grace. These are truths that I’ve let slip from me because I’ve been too busy speaking. Therefore, this is my declaration that I intend to invest in more time being speechless because it turns out that’s just what I need in order to have something worth saying.