Today I fell while I was running. Correction, I ATE IT while I was running. *Disclaimer: I am totally fine*. Imagine blissfully gliding along, gazing at the beautiful sight of the Institute for Advanced Study (where Einstein did his work), soaking up the late September sun. Then all of a sudden your right knee no longer supports weight and you fall with all of your weight (which may or may not be higher than it used to be) on to your entire right side, slammed against the concrete. Once you realize you’re not on the ground and no longer running, you turn over to find bloody knees, hips, and clothes in addition to the entirety of your right arm from your fingers to your shoulder.
I remind you that I am totally okay; I simply will look like a fool with bandages all over and will be wearing sleeveless shirts until I can pull myself together in the next few days. I tell you this story not for sympathy or comedic relief, but for a point. And no my point is not “when you fall down, you must get back up”. Yes that is true. I did get up; I did ask for help; I am moving forward with my life.
However, my point is that when we fall, Jesus is probably at work. Probably meaning definitely. The theme of the last few weeks has been me on the ground. I’ve been in way over my head with theology classes, Hebrew exegesis, denominational search processes, and field education debates on top of being a human and still being in a relatively new place. Many days I have just felt low. It’s not that I do not have A LOT to be thankful for, but rather A LOT to process.
A dear friend reminded me this weekend that Jesus works in paradox. That means when we are low, HE is lifted high. In our brokenness, HE brings healing. In our nothing, HE delivers everything. In our death, HE creates life. So as I sat on the ground today bleeding from my own silly mistakes (one of them being running in the first place), I couldn’t help but smile. Jesus has reminded me time and time again over the past weeks that I am not at Princeton to make myself considered “higher”. I am not here to gain all of the answers (partially because I don’t know that there are any). I am not here for me at all. “He must become greater and I must become less” John 3:30.
When I fall, Jesus is glorified. And that is worth all of the scrapes and bruises.
(Pictured: some of my bandages and proof I’m alive. Shoutout to Kelsey for using her lifeguard skills to patch me up)
Reading what you wrote just brought these words to my mind. As a musician, you know these words. You have sung these words. You have played these words. You are living these words. “Lord, lift me up and let me stand, By faith, on heaven’s tableland, A higher plane than I have found: Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.” That is the well-known chorus, but the first verse applies also to you, Kelly. “I’m pressing on the upward way, New heights I’m gaining every day; Still praying as I onward bound, ‘Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.'” God continues to lift you higher and higher because you allow Him to do that. Your PRBC family continues to support you through prayers and long distance hugs filled with lots of love!
First year of seminary is no joke! Proud of you for keeping perspective and growing through it! And glad you’re okay 😉 Keep running though – it’s been a key piece of my sanity in ministry!
GLad you are okay. Love reading your blogs.
Kelly, thanks for the insight. Most of us simply become embarrassed when we fall, at least publicly, and try to pass it off. You applied the truth and life lesson. God uses falls to bring us closer to Him, and to show us our need to be dependent. I thank Him that you, so young, see this already. What a plan He has for you.
We miss you at PRBC and pray for your continued growth and strength.