Closure

Don’t tell my fellow seminarians, but two days ago I turned in my last final. And for about 3 minutes, I was stoked! I finished my finals earlier than I ever have! I finished seminary! But then it hit me. Now what? Besides a virtual senior banquet next week, my formal educational career is over for the foreseeable future. And it ended with a click of a submit button. On top of that, school work was one singular thing that felt normal in this weird time of sitting at home day after day. This morning I have been pondering what closure might look like for me. So I threw down some ideas in a poetic/prayer-like style. Maybe you have your own to add.

My classes will soon be over
My papers are all turned in
Closing this almost 21 year long journey means
Reflecting on all of the books I read, subjects I’ve studied, countless words I have written
It also means reflecting on the friends I’ve made, the places I’ve been, the ways I have grown
Openness to the future means
Embracing that my learning is never truly be over

In 68 days, my work as Pastor at Titusville United Methodist Church will be over
While grateful for online worship and fellowship, I might not get to say goodbye in person
Closing this wild 2 year long journey means
Considering all of the ways I’ve grown as a pastor – in worship, in preaching, in leading, in dreaming
It also means considering all of the ways I have grown as a person – through conflict, through deep care, through treacherously down times, through bravery
Openness to the future means
My love for this people and this work will never truly be over

37 days from now I’m getting married
It will not look like plan A, and it might not get to look like plan B or even plan C
Closing the familiarity of singleness and closing the expectation of what my wedding day would look like means
Reflecting on the purpose behind this event
It also means I do not have to do life alone
Openness to the future means
Who I am truly will never be over – instead I have the blessing of growing together with this incredible woman by my side

And there are so many more endings coming my way and yours. Leaving the East Coast, leaving friends, leaving normal (because we cannot go back to normal after this pandemic is over). But my recommendation to myself and possibly you, too, is to spend some time on the last 2 lines. We might not get the closure we hope for or expected or needed. However, our openness to the future is ours for the taking. And it depends on the day – because this time is hard and exhausting and full of grief. But as we find energy and life in this time, openness to the future is ours. May we take our time, reflecting, hoping, lamenting, waiting, dreaming. For seasons may be closing, but God is not finished with us yet.