When a heart breaks

To say this week was difficult would be an understatement.  With the announcement of the resignation Coral Ridge’s senior pastor, everyone was left in a state of disbelief.  Why did this happen? How was it not seen coming? What does this mean for the institution of the church? What does this mean for the institution of marriage? How can I trust again? A lot of questions and nearly no answers.  So it is through this process that I learned this week.  I learned that I understand a basic concept in the meaning of life.  God has a plan; and I am so thankful for that because my plans suck in comparison. God is definitely in control; and I am so thankful for that because I would just screw things up if I was really in control.  God’s grace is enough; so as much as we fail, we are eternally covered. But, unfortunately for someone logically minded like myself, I still have a lot of questions.  How do you know what steps you take in the mean time? How do you learn how God speaks to you? What do you do when you know there is no action to be taken for your frustration, but you’re still deeply hurt?

Sadly, this is still the transient stage I am in.  I walk away this week with a lot of questions and a lot of frustration. I wish I could say that I am more inclined to be open and share my struggles.  I wish I could say I’ve been given encouraging words to help the interns around me whom I love immensely and whom are also wrestling with difficulty. I wish I could say I’ve even kept myself together this week.  But I cannot.  And therefore, I am forced yet again to be reminded: it’s okay to abide outside of my comfort zone and I just have to trust God. Words that I have repeated again and again this week specifically.  Words that don’t mean much when a close intern friend goes home or when celebrity pastors’ brokenness gets splashed on national news or when your job just seems like more than you can handle. But words that sum up exactly where I want my heart to be. In the powerful words of Ben Rector, “I don’t have answers, and neither do you.” And the best part is that it is through our brokenness that God does some of His best work.  And we have hope in that.  All of our hope is in that.

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